Signs of an Incompatible Relationship- 7 Red Flags

Introduction
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Love, Partnership, Soul Mates
Many of us spend a significant part of our lives searching for “the one.” But what happens when we think we’ve found that special someone? How do we know if they’re truly the right person to spend the rest of our lives with, or even if starting a relationship with them is the right choice?

While compatibility doesn’t guarantee a relationship’s longevity, studies show that it is directly related to the quality and satisfaction of our relationships. Simply put, the more compatible you and your partner are, the happier you’re likely to be together.

The Ideal Partner
Everyone has their own ideas about the qualities and traits their ideal partner should possess, but we rarely find someone who is a perfect match. Instead, we learn to compromise where we can and grow to love people despite their flaws and imperfections. However, distinguishing between normal differences and incompatibility can be challenging.

Signs of Incompatibility
So, if you’re wondering whether or not you and your significant other are incompatible, here are seven telltale signs that you probably aren’t right for each other:

1. You Don’t Understand Each Other
   From the very beginning, this can reveal a lot about how well-matched you and your partner are. If you struggle to understand how they’re feeling, what they’re thinking, or what they need, they might not be the one for you – and vice versa. It’s better to be with someone who can be in sync with you, who can pick up on and understand your non-verbal cues, discern the tone of your voice, and ‘get’ what you’re trying to tell them. Otherwise, miscommunications and misunderstandings can pile up in your relationship, leading to frustration and resentment.
2. You’re Too Different from Each Other
   While it’s true that opposites attract, every solid, healthy couple should share at least a few similarities with their partner. This doesn’t mean having to like all the same music or movies, or even sharing the same hobbies. In fact, it can be refreshing to be in a relationship with someone who is radically different from yourself. Unfortunately, this excitement won’t last forever. If the similarities are too scarce or non-existent, once the novelty wears off, you’ll both be left with someone who doesn’t share your humor, interests, values, ideals, or principles, making it difficult to relate to each other in any meaningful way.
3. You Try to Change Each Other, Instead of Growing and Learning Together
   The hallmark of any strong, healthy relationship is having a partner who motivates you to change for the better. However, this change must be something you want for yourself – your idea, not theirs alone. If you are forcing change on yourself solely because “they want it” and you don’t, it’s generally ineffective and unsustainable. Whether it’s the way you dress, speak, or who you hang out with, only you have the right to decide who you want to be. If you don’t feel comfortable showing your true colors to your significant other, even in private, this is a definite red flag.
4. There is Constant or Highly Frequent Arguing
   It’s perfectly normal and healthy to disagree with your partner about important matters from time to time – we didn’t choose this person to be a clone of ourselves. However, disagreements become problematic when arguing is constant and over even the tiniest of things. Worse still is fighting dirty – shouting, name-calling, humiliating each other, holding grudges, and emotional blackmail. Being in a relationship with a partner who tends to bring out the ugliest side of you is never good. A relationship should foster your best self, not the opposite.
5. You Attain Peace by Avoiding All Problems
   It’s all about moderation – while constant fighting is obviously not ideal, it’s also not good for a couple to never disagree about anything. You need to be honest and communicate openly with each other about how you feel, even if it doesn’t align with the other person’s views. Constantly pretending everything is okay or blindly agreeing to the other person’s wants does not strengthen the relationship and may result in a catastrophic blow-up later. Constructive conflict can be a positive, bond-building event that leads to personal growth and a deeper mutual understanding.
6. Your Socializing is Isolated from Everyone Else
   Do you find that when you and your partner go out, it’s nearly always only with each other – no friends, parties, or group hangouts? Have you never spent any time with their friends – have you even met them? Is their family still a mystery to you, even though you’ve been together for a while? If you answered yes to any of these, this could be a potential problem. It’s important to spend time with your partner’s loved ones and get to know them better. Couples who make the effort to be close with the other important people in their partner’s lives tend to have longer and happier relationships.
7. You’re Not Attracted to Them
   Lastly, but most importantly, even when everything seems perfect on paper, if you don’t feel any romance or chemistry, it’s simply not going to work. Without even an inkling of those factors, you might have a best friend, but not necessarily a significant other. The result is that you will naturally be drawn to people you have that ‘more than friends’ attraction to. The Triarchic Theory of Love by Robert Sternberg states that although intimacy and commitment are present, without passion, the love you share will only be platonic, like the love shared between friends and family.

Conclusion
In the end, there’s no such thing as a perfect relationship. Everyone has doubts or disagreements at times with the person they love. A strong, healthy relationship requires ongoing effort, dedication, and time to grow. What’s important is finding that someone who, to you, is worth that effort, dedication, and time. First impressions and initial choices do not seal your fate. Learning to recognize compatibility versus incompatibility will save you much heartbreak and possibly avoid more serious scarring. So take the time to evaluate your relationship with these key points in mind and honestly ask yourself – is my partner right for me?

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